Awesome. We were all going in the same direction. My next step was to troubleshoot the SMTP commands in use. You just beat me to it with going to the technote.
To sum up the issue here was really that the port forwarding in the router was, for some reason, not working. Removing that and putting it into the router again started it working again. The rest of it was just prooving that SMTP on your server was working so we could go back to the port forwarding. Along the way you learnt a lot about SMTP and the way exchange recieve connectors work.
Don't forget to do an open relay check. and make sure that your secondary MX is set to Store and Forward, not deliver to the legacy mailboxes. Safe to run without a secondary MX for a while if it takes a bit to sort this out.
Andy